Breastfeeding isn't meant for everyone...

Breastfeeding has been the most difficult part of the child rearing process for me...

Before Sunny was born, one of our church sister Betsy came to give us a child CPR class. She also brought her breastfeeding book to go over with me. At time, I thought, I already went on Youtube and found videos on how to breastfeed, and women have been breastfeeding since cavemen time. I mean, back then, they didn't even have lactation consultants right? How difficult can it be? Women who worked on farms who had 10 children all breastfed fine. I, who has a master's degree, should do fine! But boy I was wrong....

Sunny was born too small, his mouth was too small for me to latch him on properly, so in the first day, he's already bruised my nipple really bad.  After that, the lactation consultant came daily to help me with breastfeeding. We've got lots of gadgets like the nipple shield and the SNS system that has a tube that you put on the nipple and a bottle to fill up with formula so that it drips onto the nipple as the baby feeds, and she even gave me a larger size pumping cup for my nipples so that they don't chafe against the sides...

nipple shield

SNS system

In the hospital, since I only had colostrum, I really didn't feed a whole lot. I had to supplement with formula anyway since Sunny had jaundice.  When I came home, breast milk finally came and I just pumped and then bottle fed Sunny.  But I had problems after problems... clogged milk ducts that are really painful that I had to massage out constantly, engorgement that are painful, sore and bruised nipples (the nipple cream really helped), not pumping enough milk, waking up at night to pump etc.

Well, these couple of days my milk has decreased significantly, probably because I'm not breastfeeding, just pumping, so I'm trying to start nursing again now that Sunny's a little bigger. But he doesn't like it. He flares his arms around, turns his head back and forth as I try to stick the nipple in his tiny mouth squirting him all over the face with milk! And he's bitten down hard on my nipples a few times, really really painful. They say nursing help moms bond with baby... hm. somehow I don't think it applies to me when he bites down hard and I'm screaming my head off trying to get my nipple out of his mouth... it really doesn't help me bond with the baby when I feel like smacking him ugh! And the few times I've succeeded, Sunny falls asleep after a couple of minutes on the nipple and I can't wake him up. At least he can finish all 4 ounces on the bottle...

So bottom line. I'll keep trying until my milk stops coming. But formula is so much easier.

Wide awake from 3am~6am

he always does that with his hands
while feeding

Sunny in his crib

I think this is what he looks like
in my belly

Daddy thinks I'm an elf

Me and my lovey

All I do is sleep, eat, and poop...

Wow... I have to do his laundry every other day... and I'm always so hungry after pumping.  I can't find food around the house to eat... want some noodles!

yawn...

feed...

burp...

fun!

Diapers are so expensive!!!

We already went through 2 boxes of diapers and we've only been home for 2 weeks! That's $20 per box! Wow.  The cloth diapers were too big for Sunny when we brought him home. 2 days ago his belly scab fell off and I was able to put the cloth diaper over him, though it's a little too big still but it will sure save a lot of money.

I've got a normal belly button now

cloth diaper

Crying face. I just don't like diaper changes!

Wow. Can you see the resemblance?

The man who got me out of mommy's belly.

Funny faces

Pictures from our photographer!

Here are some sneak peeks of the pictures our photographer took:

http://earthmamaphotography.com/blog/2010/08/09/sonny-july-29-2010-dallas-richardson-plano-birth-photographer/

We will be getting a CD of all the pictures she took shortly. I can't wait!

Reality of parenthood still slips away sometimes...

I guess it's the amount of responsibilities that I'm faced with... diaper changes, feeding, pumping, etc, that sometimes I forget that this little thing is my son... It's kind of like when you first got married, you forget that the other person is your husband/wife because you've been so used to the girlfriend/boyfriend status and the mental change just hasn't set in yet... sometimes I look at the little baby and somehow just feel like something is missing... yes the baby is cute and all, but it just feels like we went to the store and got it last week... feels like a tamaguchi pet (if you remember those back then). weird. May be it helps if the baby looks more like me? He's starting to look like daddy more and more every day.

Gotcha!

I think this is a smile! And this is the only piece of premie clothes I've got, didn't think the baby would ever going to wear it. I kept it to put inside the scrapbook, but I guess we're using it after all. He's almost outgrown it though :)

Fussy Baby

Yawn....
Sunny cried for almost an hour today... I was so lost, didn't know what to do. I fed him, burped him, changed him, and still cry cry cry... so it turned out that he wanted more food..

Look how flexible I am!

Hey look where my foot is!

Super Healing Powers!

Went to Dr. Lin this morning, and guess what?? Jaundice dropped from 18.8 to 10.3!!! Yay! Sunny is alright now! No more need for treatment (hopefully)!!! He's also eating more (which means I'm staying up more often to feed, change, burp, etc). Let's see... last night to now, I managed 3~4 hours of sleep...

Look, I've got giant hands and feet like Daddy!

Poor Sunny got Jaundice :(

Sunny has Jaundice. 

For those who don't know what Jaundice is, here's a definition from MayoClinic

Infant jaundice is a yellow discoloration in a newborn baby's skin and eyes. The condition occurs because the baby's blood contains an excess of bilirubin (bil-ih-ROO-bin), a yellow-colored pigment of red blood cells.

Infant jaundice is a common condition, particularly in babies born before 36 weeks gestation (preterm babies). Infant jaundice usually occurs because a baby's liver isn't mature enough to get rid of bilirubin in the bloodstream. In some cases, an underlying disease may cause jaundice.

Treatment of infant jaundice often isn't necessary, and most cases that need treatment respond well to noninvasive therapy. Although complications are rare, severe infant jaundice or poorly treated jaundice can cause brain damage.

We hoped that it would get better as we left the hospital yesterday (Sunday) but his numbers were still reading relatively high.  The pediatrician at the hospital (sweet, wonderful lady) said we'll need to see our pediatrician the following day to check the Jaundice.  Well, a visit to Dr. Lin showed that Sunny's jaundice spiked to 18.8, well above the safe zone.  So he immediately called home health to order photo therapy to treat his Jaundice.

This sticker will prevent Sunny get poked by the needle to get his blood sample every day. He already has enough on his heels from the blood tests in the hospital :(

Photo therapy to treat Jaundice. It's a blue light blanket that wraps over his body. He stays in there all day and night so we can't cuddle him...

Well, according to Dr. Lin, this should last 3~4 days... and hopefully it will help. If it doesn't Sunny goes back to the hospital and get more treatment.

This is where I thank God for my job that provides insurance to cover this cost...

Great pics of Sunny!

Uh oh, I don't like diaper changes!

Here's my little tongue, time to feed?

Daddy feed me

Daddy sleep with me

Look! I got a full head of curly hair!

Spit up some milk...

I look like a little package! Burp!

Do I look like Daddy?

or Mommy?