Breastfeeding isn't meant for everyone...

Breastfeeding has been the most difficult part of the child rearing process for me...

Before Sunny was born, one of our church sister Betsy came to give us a child CPR class. She also brought her breastfeeding book to go over with me. At time, I thought, I already went on Youtube and found videos on how to breastfeed, and women have been breastfeeding since cavemen time. I mean, back then, they didn't even have lactation consultants right? How difficult can it be? Women who worked on farms who had 10 children all breastfed fine. I, who has a master's degree, should do fine! But boy I was wrong....

Sunny was born too small, his mouth was too small for me to latch him on properly, so in the first day, he's already bruised my nipple really bad.  After that, the lactation consultant came daily to help me with breastfeeding. We've got lots of gadgets like the nipple shield and the SNS system that has a tube that you put on the nipple and a bottle to fill up with formula so that it drips onto the nipple as the baby feeds, and she even gave me a larger size pumping cup for my nipples so that they don't chafe against the sides...

nipple shield

SNS system

In the hospital, since I only had colostrum, I really didn't feed a whole lot. I had to supplement with formula anyway since Sunny had jaundice.  When I came home, breast milk finally came and I just pumped and then bottle fed Sunny.  But I had problems after problems... clogged milk ducts that are really painful that I had to massage out constantly, engorgement that are painful, sore and bruised nipples (the nipple cream really helped), not pumping enough milk, waking up at night to pump etc.

Well, these couple of days my milk has decreased significantly, probably because I'm not breastfeeding, just pumping, so I'm trying to start nursing again now that Sunny's a little bigger. But he doesn't like it. He flares his arms around, turns his head back and forth as I try to stick the nipple in his tiny mouth squirting him all over the face with milk! And he's bitten down hard on my nipples a few times, really really painful. They say nursing help moms bond with baby... hm. somehow I don't think it applies to me when he bites down hard and I'm screaming my head off trying to get my nipple out of his mouth... it really doesn't help me bond with the baby when I feel like smacking him ugh! And the few times I've succeeded, Sunny falls asleep after a couple of minutes on the nipple and I can't wake him up. At least he can finish all 4 ounces on the bottle...

So bottom line. I'll keep trying until my milk stops coming. But formula is so much easier.

Wide awake from 3am~6am

he always does that with his hands
while feeding

Sunny in his crib

I think this is what he looks like
in my belly

Daddy thinks I'm an elf

Me and my lovey

All I do is sleep, eat, and poop...

Wow... I have to do his laundry every other day... and I'm always so hungry after pumping.  I can't find food around the house to eat... want some noodles!

yawn...

feed...

burp...

fun!

Diapers are so expensive!!!

We already went through 2 boxes of diapers and we've only been home for 2 weeks! That's $20 per box! Wow.  The cloth diapers were too big for Sunny when we brought him home. 2 days ago his belly scab fell off and I was able to put the cloth diaper over him, though it's a little too big still but it will sure save a lot of money.

I've got a normal belly button now

cloth diaper

Crying face. I just don't like diaper changes!

Wow. Can you see the resemblance?

The man who got me out of mommy's belly.

Funny faces

Pictures from our photographer!

Here are some sneak peeks of the pictures our photographer took:

http://earthmamaphotography.com/blog/2010/08/09/sonny-july-29-2010-dallas-richardson-plano-birth-photographer/

We will be getting a CD of all the pictures she took shortly. I can't wait!

Reality of parenthood still slips away sometimes...

I guess it's the amount of responsibilities that I'm faced with... diaper changes, feeding, pumping, etc, that sometimes I forget that this little thing is my son... It's kind of like when you first got married, you forget that the other person is your husband/wife because you've been so used to the girlfriend/boyfriend status and the mental change just hasn't set in yet... sometimes I look at the little baby and somehow just feel like something is missing... yes the baby is cute and all, but it just feels like we went to the store and got it last week... feels like a tamaguchi pet (if you remember those back then). weird. May be it helps if the baby looks more like me? He's starting to look like daddy more and more every day.

Gotcha!

I think this is a smile! And this is the only piece of premie clothes I've got, didn't think the baby would ever going to wear it. I kept it to put inside the scrapbook, but I guess we're using it after all. He's almost outgrown it though :)

Fussy Baby

Yawn....
Sunny cried for almost an hour today... I was so lost, didn't know what to do. I fed him, burped him, changed him, and still cry cry cry... so it turned out that he wanted more food..

Look how flexible I am!

Hey look where my foot is!

Super Healing Powers!

Went to Dr. Lin this morning, and guess what?? Jaundice dropped from 18.8 to 10.3!!! Yay! Sunny is alright now! No more need for treatment (hopefully)!!! He's also eating more (which means I'm staying up more often to feed, change, burp, etc). Let's see... last night to now, I managed 3~4 hours of sleep...

Look, I've got giant hands and feet like Daddy!

Poor Sunny got Jaundice :(

Sunny has Jaundice. 

For those who don't know what Jaundice is, here's a definition from MayoClinic

Infant jaundice is a yellow discoloration in a newborn baby's skin and eyes. The condition occurs because the baby's blood contains an excess of bilirubin (bil-ih-ROO-bin), a yellow-colored pigment of red blood cells.

Infant jaundice is a common condition, particularly in babies born before 36 weeks gestation (preterm babies). Infant jaundice usually occurs because a baby's liver isn't mature enough to get rid of bilirubin in the bloodstream. In some cases, an underlying disease may cause jaundice.

Treatment of infant jaundice often isn't necessary, and most cases that need treatment respond well to noninvasive therapy. Although complications are rare, severe infant jaundice or poorly treated jaundice can cause brain damage.

We hoped that it would get better as we left the hospital yesterday (Sunday) but his numbers were still reading relatively high.  The pediatrician at the hospital (sweet, wonderful lady) said we'll need to see our pediatrician the following day to check the Jaundice.  Well, a visit to Dr. Lin showed that Sunny's jaundice spiked to 18.8, well above the safe zone.  So he immediately called home health to order photo therapy to treat his Jaundice.

This sticker will prevent Sunny get poked by the needle to get his blood sample every day. He already has enough on his heels from the blood tests in the hospital :(

Photo therapy to treat Jaundice. It's a blue light blanket that wraps over his body. He stays in there all day and night so we can't cuddle him...

Well, according to Dr. Lin, this should last 3~4 days... and hopefully it will help. If it doesn't Sunny goes back to the hospital and get more treatment.

This is where I thank God for my job that provides insurance to cover this cost...

Great pics of Sunny!

Uh oh, I don't like diaper changes!

Here's my little tongue, time to feed?

Daddy feed me

Daddy sleep with me

Look! I got a full head of curly hair!

Spit up some milk...

I look like a little package! Burp!

Do I look like Daddy?

or Mommy?

Sunny, Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you!

Born 9:00 pm, 7/29/2010, 5 lbs 7 oz

Gosh, I labored for 28 hours, and finally succumbed to C-section. Stuck at 5cm and was not dilating anymore... But throughout the whole time, Sunny's heart rate was extremely good.  Finally at 9pm, the doc said the labor wasn't going anywhere and we went into the OR. So much for wanting a natural non-medicated delivery... I had a few panic attacks, and within the hour, Sunny was out!

At first we were told that he would have to go straight to NICU because he is premature, at 34 weeks and 6 days, but after evaluation, he passed the APGAR with flying colors!! 8 or 9 out of 10!! And he was breathing and crying very well! Just a tad skinny, but not small compared to the average, weighing at 5 lbs 7 oz, measuring 19 inches!! 

Right now he's very calm, doesn't fuss at all. But could do better with eating. Showing slight Jaundice, but not severe. I'm trying my best to feed him as much as I can... 

Daddy is really proud of Sunny!

Me on the other hand... the pain of incision is not too bad, just sore,  but I'm still not allowed to eat solid foods, and it's been 2 days since I ate :(. I'm starving and I'm sooooo sleepy! Catching only an hour here or there between feedings if I'm lucky.  I'm even dosing off as I feed Sunny, and he would slip off the nipple *_*.

In LABOR!

Great. My water broke at 4:15 this afternoon. I was just laying in bed, just woke up from a nap, and my water broke. This morning I was just telling Sunny that we have only 3 more days to go til August, til he reaches near term, but he can't even wait that long.

So I called Allen to rush home to take me to the hospital. We hadn't even packed and I was having a panic attack! Poor daddy, he hurt his ankle too, but had to rush me home to take me to the hospital...

Anyway, so Sunny is going to be a premature baby (by 2 days), they'll most likely take him to NICU after delivery.. my poor baby...

Here's poor tired daddy, already tired out before Sunny is even here...

We arrived the hospital at around 6pm, was dilated 3cm, but at 11pm, I was still at 3cm, so they had to give me pitocin. So much for natural non-medicated child birth... Nothing has gone as planned.  Can't do water birth because my water broke and the baby is premature. 

And I'm so hungry but I can't eat anything solid... AND I'm sitting on a pile of wetness, with amniotic fluid constantly trickling out. Ugh. 

Right now is almost 1 am. Contractions are still not very regular... but may be that's because I'm chatting on the computer and blogging, I'm not keeping track. At least the monitor is. 

Updates

Weight: 205 lbs (Gained 15 lbs so far)
Baby Movement: Baby's kicking up to the ribs now, constantly moving, very uncomfortable
Sleep: 2~4 hour periods
Eat: lots of fruit, juice, and 2 meals a day of regular food
Condition: hip pain from laying down (especially on the left side), Braxton Hicks early morning and late night, heartburn, reflux that's burning my esophagus,

Craving wontons

I've been craving wontons for a while now, and I finally got to make these Shanghai wontons my mom used to make. It didn't turned out the same, b/c I just can't remember her recipe, but still good nonetheless...

What Have I Been Doing...

What do I do all day long by myself? CRAFTS!! on the bed of course...

Jaunt Travel System

Allen's work friend person gave us this travel system! so cute!

Saving $$

I'm so happy I started shopping for baby stuff early.  I've been buying them second hand and saved a lot of money.  Here's are some of the items that I've gotten a really good deal on:

7 Born Free BPA free baby bottles - $10 ($35 new)
Avent Bottle Warmer - $10 ($40 new)
Phillips Bottle Steam Sterilizer - $25 ($63 new)
Car Bottle Warmer - $1.50 ($30 new)
Rainforest Gym - $8 ($33 new)
200+ baby boy clothes & 20+ pairs of shoes - $15
Maternity Belt - $5 ($66 new)
Maternity Clothes - $1~$3 a piece
Dutailier Glider - $125 ($600+ new)
Changing Table w/ pad and 2 covers - $15
Graco Highchair - $20 ($90+ new)
Moby Wrap - $12.50 ($40 new)
Rainforest Bathtub - $8 ($29 new)
Boppy Pillow - $4 ($20 new)

Natural birth, Water birth

So I just watched a documentary by Ricki Lake, called "The Business of Being Born"

It has a lot of information and gave me reasons for my choice for an all natural birth. Ricki did this documentary with Abby Epstein who became pregnant while doing this documentary. Here are some pics:

Whenever I tell people that I'm going all natural without any medication, I always get a weird look and a "why?"  I really didn't know except just that natural is better. But after watching this documentary, I am convinced that this is the right decision!

So, what happens during birth is that the hospital gives you Epidural to help with pain, but it slows down labor and makes contractions weaker. So they give you Pitocin to help speed up labor, then when that is administered, you might feel more pain, then they give you more Epidural, and then more Pitocin, etc. As a result, if the baby still doesn't come, you might end up with interventions such as forceps, vacuum extraction, or C-section! And this is according to the American Pregnancy Association.

So Epidural should be the last resort, not the first choice!

Moreover, Pitocin is a synthetic form of Oxytocin, which is a natural hormone produced by a woman's body to facilitate birth.  Here are some differences between Pitocin and Oxytocin (from about.com)


Pitocin is released differently. 

Oxytocin is released into your body in a pulsing action. It comes intermittently to allow your body a break. Pitocin is given in an IV in a continuous manner. This can cause contractions to be longer and stronger than your baby or placenta can handle, depriving your baby of oxygen.

Pitocin prevents your body from offering endorphins. 

When you are in labor naturally, your body responds to the contractions and oxytocin with the release of endorphins, a morphine like substance that helps prevent and counteract pain. When you receive Pitocin, your body does not know to release the endorphins, despite the fact that you are in pain.

Pitocin isn't as effective at dilating the cervix. 

When the baby releases oxytocin it works really well on the uterine muscle, causing the cervix to dilate. Pitocin works much more slowly and with less effect, meaning it takes more Pitocin to work.

Pitocin lacks a peak at birth. 

In natural labor, the body provides a spike in oxytocin at the birth, stimulating the fetal ejection reflex, allowing for a faster and easier birth. Pitocin is regulated by a pump and not able to offer this boost at the end.

Pitocin can interfere with bonding. 

When the body releases oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, it promotes bonding with the baby after birth. Pitocin interferes with the internal release of oxytocin, which can disturb the bonding process.

The last fact really hit me. I remember my mom told me, she had a c-section (by choice) when she gave birth to me.  She said she didn't feel anything and when she saw me again a few days later, she was like "Ew, that wrinkly thing is my baby?" She said she didn't feel like I was her baby. My mom couldn't breast feed either. Abby Epstein also ended up with a c-section, and her reaction and result was the same.  I really want to feel the mother-nature's innate reaction of wanting to love and protect the baby, after all the difficulties of labor, it's the least I should get in return, right?

And the documentary also mentioned that many women, after seeing the painful expressions of labor on TV, are convinced that they can't or don't want to go through the pain.  But I keep telling myself, how many women since caveman time have delivered babies without any medication?

Also, I've chosen to do water birth

And here are the benefits:

• Less shock for the baby, since he's going from placenta water to pool water.
• Being in water helps with the pain of labor
• Softens the skin on the vagina opening to prevent tearing (no need for episiotomy)
• Delays the nurse from taking the baby and allows time for the rest of the 30% of the blood to pass from the placenta to the baby
• And hopefully, Allen will be able to catch Sunny!! I really look forward to this!

We bought our pool and the accessories, came in the mail almost a week ago!  And we'll also have a Doula, an assistant who provides non-medical and non-midwifery support (physical and emotional) in childbirth, and she's also a professional photographer.

I think we're ready.